Memories brought by Smell

 

“If only there could be an invention that bottled up a memory, like scent. And it never faded, and it never got stale. And then, when one wanted it, the bottle could be uncorked, and it would be like living the moment all over again.”

― Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca

I recently watched the most recent rendition of Rebecca on Netflix; based on a novel written in the 1930s by Daphne du Maurier.  I remember watching the original motion picture that came out in 1940 and being mesmerized by the mystery and the romance.  Of course, as a young girl the notion of 'Love' and 'Romance' were definitely romanticized by my imagination through the books and movies that I was influenced by.  Now, as an almost middle-aged woman who has had a monogamous relationship with a single person for over two decades now and two children,  the idea of 'Love' and 'Romance' has morphed and evolved into something beautiful a less "mysterious". 

As I watched the new rendition, I experienced two things. 

First, I realized how much in the stories of love and romance that are portrayed in the books and movies of the past and present that I can't stand any longer is the fact that no one communicates properly or productively.  I know deeply that the only way that there is love, trust, honesty, loyalty (and any good thing) in any relationship is rooted in communication.

Communication is something that has been something that has been unfortunately not been taught as it should have been throughout generations, and because of such things we have more and more problems.

I was never taught the art of communication, but I learned through trial and error and through wonderful books and college classes the beauty of what proper communication is and the benefits that come along with it.

There's a unmistakeable desire from humans for proper communication, but a desire is not enough.  There has to be effort, humility and mostly the art of listening (listening is not the same as hearing). 

I believe that the hardest part of communication in this day and age hold the lack there of these three things and the fact that we want instant answers and gratification in the situations that call us to communicate.  How sad it is to see relationships fall apart due to this formula of communication not seen nor utilized.  But where does one learn such things?  How does one implement such things?

All situations are unique, so these questions are not one that I can answer on a worldwide web scale...but the realization that communication in your life is something that is lacking to bring you peace and a good life...well, that is a first really important step...that is a step toward learning something new.  Then learning from others is huge. If you see a relationship between others that you admire, ask them about their communication styles and if they implement any specific communication tools in their relationship.  And when you learn something, implement it...and even if you don't get it right at first, just keep at it. It will get easier. 

Practice makes Better.

Secondly, while watching the Netflix movie, the quote that Daphne du Maurier puts in the mouth of her female protagonist longing for the ability to bottle up memory like a scent stood out to me more than anything. Isn't that one of the most profound quotes that have been stated in the lost century? 

I think of the fact that we humans have a wonderful ablility to be able to bottle scents and smells that we create, and because of the beauty of our brains we are able to smell specific smells that do, in a sense, transport our minds to the memories of our pasts. 

Some smells, I could most definitely do without...who wants smell the smells that trigger traumatic memories? Not me.

But, for the good memories...what a gift!

When my grandmother passed away almost 11 years ago, I was given little of what was hers by my mother, but what I did get was a few bottles of her perfume. Every once in a while I go to my bathroom cabinet and smell her perfume. It transports my mind to when I was a little girl. I would go to her bathroom and sit in there while she got ready for church on Sunday morning. The early morning light would come in through the widow while I would watch her meticulously put on her lipstick and blot it with a tissue, all the while she would rehearse with me numbers in Russian.

"aDEEN, DVAH,TREE..." we would say over and over.

So though we can not bottle up the memory as if we are transported in such a place, we are able to hold those memories in a way that we otherwise wouldn't be able to ...and what a gift.

What are smells that transport you to times in your life that you love?